Domestic violence is wrong 100% of the time. No matter what an abuser may try to tell someone. A victim should never feel guilty or be left in a situation where their safety is at risk. It’s also a very scary and unsettling time, where the victim has so many unanswered questions that keeps them from leaving their abuser.
Victims sometimes don’t know the right steps to take, to make certain that their abuser does not come around again. It’s all about protecting the privacy of you and your children and getting the help and legal assistance that they need. Here’s more on domestic violence and common questions about leaving, as well as how to get rid of an abusive boyfriend.
Domestic Violence: Questions About Leaving
Domestic violence can stir up a lot of confusion and uncertainty for the victim, both during and after separating themselves from the abusive situation. These are some of the most common concerns and questions that victims are oftentimes worried about.
Can My Children Come with Me?
If you can get your kids out of the house in a safe manner, without raising any suspicion, then yes. Coming back for them later will only make things more difficult legally. Filing for temporary custody of your children without them in your care is not as easy as the parent that has physical possession.
It’s also very important that you get legal custody of your children as soon as possible.
But if it’s too dangerous of a situation at the time for you to get them out of the house, call the police and have your kids placed in temporary protective custody. This does not mean that you will lose custody of your children. A judge will soon decide a permanent custody arrangement for your children.
Where do I Go?
Can you think of any relatives or friends that would be willing to provide shelter for your family during this time? It’s better to stay at a home where you know that your abuser will not come around.
One thing you don’t want to do is to stay at another man’s home unless it’s a close relative. By staying with another man, this can hurt your chances of not only getting legal custody of your children but can also stir up more conflict between you and your abuser.
If you have nowhere else to turn, there are plenty of women’s shelters that you can take your children and you to. Not only do they provide counseling, but also the financial and legal help that you are desperately needing.
How to Get Rid of an Abusive Boyfriend
There are several ways that you can keep your privacy and ensure your protection once you’ve decided to separate yourself from your abuser. Check out these ways to get rid of an abusive boyfriend or spouse.
Document the Abuse
There may be a day when you are facing your abusive boyfriend in court and having hard evidence is one way to help you with obtaining a restraining order and filing assault charges, making sure these situations don’t happen again.
-Take photographs of where the abuser struck you and call the police immediately.
-If possible, try and record your abuser while he’s threatening you. (Only do this if you can do it in a safe way without being caught.)
Get a Personal Protection Order (PPO)
A personal protection order is a legal document that you can obtain at your local courthouse. This can help you be sure that the abuser is kept at a safe distance away from you and your children unless they want to face more serious consequences. Make sure that you and your children keep a copy on them, so if your boyfriend does come around, police can have a physical document of the violated order.
Find the Right Time
If you still haven’t left your abusive situation, now is the time to get an emergency bag packed and hide it in a place where it’s still easy to get to. Think about opportunities or excuses that you can use that don’t seem out of the ordinary. Things like, going to the grocery store, the bank, or taking your children to school.
Change Your Passwords
It’s also important that you keep your online information and passwords safe. After leaving the relationship, change all of your passwords. Even if you don’t believe your abuser knows any of your passwords, you should still change them just in case. You may even want to change your email and usernames so they cannot access them.
Get Yourself a Prepaid Phone
Another thing you should consider doing is getting yourself a prepaid phone that your abuser is unaware of in the meantime. This way your calls and texts remain private. Certain domestic violence shelters offer women who have been abused free cell phones.
Don’t Give Them Another Chance
The last thing you want to do is to give your abuser another chance after he’s hurt you or your children. Now is not the time to feel bad for them by allowing them to make excuses for their behavior. Be resolute and stick with your decision. Without them getting help, there’s a great chance that they will do it again.
Unfortunately, in far too many cases, the abuse doesn’t always go away once the victim has left the relationship. Women may be at even greater risk, especially with homicide, after they have left the relationship. It’s important that you provide you and your family with the safety that you need. You may need to stay in a Haven house for a while for protection. A Haven House offers crisis housing for women and their children during this transition.
If you or someone you know has been involved in a domestic violence situation, don’t allow fear and unanswered questions to stand between you and the door. Get yourself to safety, and if you can, your children as well. If your life is ever put in danger or you feel threatened, don’t hesitate to call the police. You can also chat with someone on the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233, or if you are hearing impaired 1−800−787−3224.